I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
