we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
