I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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