The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
