The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
