I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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