She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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