omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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