1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
