My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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