I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So apparently I’m into choking now
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