You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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