I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
They have beer where we have blood.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
