I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
