The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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