Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
