To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
