I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
