I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
