This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
