she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
