That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
