Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My vagina just recognized that song.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
