You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
