If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
