I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
