I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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