Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
