Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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