walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
