Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
