Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
