My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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