the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
