I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
