and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
try to milk me bitch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
