Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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