Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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