Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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