Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
