Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
