We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
