Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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