and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
