oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
