WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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