shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
