So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
