I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
