you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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