I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
